she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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