She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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