I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
