it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
