Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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