Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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