i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
