Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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