dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
