she woke up with a sticky ear
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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