Me too!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
