the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
