I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
