He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
