it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
