just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
