Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
