You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
