the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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