DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
