Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
