Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
