She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
