So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
