I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
