Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
