And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
