when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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