I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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