dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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