I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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