I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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