C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
