I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
