Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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