My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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