covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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