"it" just moved
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
