I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
