I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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