god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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