I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
