the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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