Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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