ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
