i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We have started to decorate penises.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
