Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
