I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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