I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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