shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
